Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize