i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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