For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
