"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
