y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
