this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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