No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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