Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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