How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
