I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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