You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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