the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
