She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
