Her vagina should come with caution tape.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
