I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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