She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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