one two three fourrrrnication!
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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