Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
