Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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