some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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