if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
