Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
