just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
