oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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