it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
