hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
