Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
