Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
