Three words: puerto rican gang bang
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
