Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
