A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I think I am morally bankrupt
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
