Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
