i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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