nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
