She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
