u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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