When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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