why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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