i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
