I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
