I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
