I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
