One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
