pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
