My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
