TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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