White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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