Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
