Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
what day is it and did you see me today?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
