The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
