i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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