I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
