I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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