I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
