I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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