I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Edward fifth and chaser hands
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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