in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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