Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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