I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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