handjob tips. give me some.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
