I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
