These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
