a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
