my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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