he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
