I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
