I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
