He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
