Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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