I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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