Whod you bang
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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