pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
