those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize