How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
