I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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