PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
