Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
