Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
